(PLAY WHILE YOU READ THIS AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND!)
I’m at Starbucks right now as I write this. I’m literally hanging on to my table to save me from forever embarrassment (as I rather enjoy writing at this particular Starbucks).
But whatever happens, you should know, I was ambushed.
The Bee Gees were already playing over the sound system when I walked in…LOUD. Instantly, my feet aligned themselves to the beat. It was physically impossible for me not to walk in time. Before I realized it, my free hand was swinging my John Travolta paint can and I was lip-synching the words.
“Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I’m a woman’s man, no time to talk.”
That’s when I started to feel the familiar sweat of mortification. And as I was trying to randomize my step, my rear end started doing a little swagger and now I’ve got this idiot grin I can’t get rid of.
I’m this close — THIS CLOSE!!! — my friends, to grooving out across that wide open tile floor and spinning on my heels before dropping into the splits. Yow!
I gotta get a straw. I’ll be right back.
I’m back. Oh, Jesus. It’s the devil’s music! It possesses you! It took everything I had to make it back here with only a pronounced bounce in my step that just happened to display a strong sense of musicality (but I can’t help that).
There’s only two other people here: a college kid studying for her biochem exam, and the grandpa with his new iPad. I see her pen tapping in time on her paper, and Grandpa’s toes are wiggling. I’m trying to decide if they’d be game. Are they made of the right stuff?
The way I see it, if I just jumped up right now and busted out some cool disco moves, Grandpa iPad would undoubtedly skip-jive over to me and do his hippy shake thing, relieved that I finally broke the ice. Then the studious girl would flip over us and tear it up around the floor before we settled into a synchronized (and apparently psychic) choreography.
The song’s almost over. I’m gonna miss my chance.
I can’t do it. I’m afraid they won’t jump in. Damn scaredy cats.
And what divine butt did the Bee Gees kiss to create music that makes people walk like that against their will? Starbucks really should have some sort of marquee out front that displays the current song selection so patrons can be forewarned.
One of these days I’m just not going to be strong enough and a lot of people are going to end up EMBARRASSED.
Anyhoo, many thanks to everyone who’s taken the time to check out my blog. It means a lot to me. I can’t believe I’ve written 100 posts already. Lots of fun. I hope y’all will stick around…and boogie with me. (snapping fingers) Hmm. Peeps might be getting embarrassed today.
Oh, yeah. In other news, NaNoWriMo is going on. Have you heard? What’s my word count, you ask?
Oh, shit. Can’t talk. Strong, disco-gravitational pull taking over me. It’s got my shoe!
“Life’s going nowhere. Somebody help me, yeah. I’m stayin’ alive!”