I suppose you probably want to know where the hell I’ve been. No, no, you’re right. I should have called or — no, it wouldn’t have killed me to drop a line or two to let you know I was okay. It’s just that I’ve been busy, but…
*(I let my voice get sultry here, the way you like it.)
… I always meant to come back, my darlings.
There were countless times I opened the “Add New Post” window and pondered where to start, what to share with you, Dear Reader, of my whirlwind travels and battles waged with keyboard and mouse. Naturally, only wanting to give you my very best, I would browse deviantART, looking for the perfect picture with which to accompany my affectionate return to communications with you. Alas, there have been many a snake pit to turn me from the trail, losing me farther and farther into the jungle.
But I have returned, my sweet. Scuffed up and travel-worn, yes — and, grant you, maybe not smelling so great — but I’m back, baby! It’s been a long and wonderful summer. I have so much to tell you.
So anyway, that’s why this post doesn’t have a picture. I just couldn’t wait any longer to say hi to everyone…and show you my new tattoo! Just kidding.
So there. The silence is broken. The ice is broken? I’ve broken the ice…The icy silence is broken…only that implies hard feelings, of which all of mine are soft and fuzzy…(mind the gutter, please)… Anyway, we can talk about word choice and diction some other time…and we will…I promise.
In the meantime, let it be known across the land, **ANG IS BACK!
Refreshments are in the back. Somebody kill the deejay and put on some real friggin’ music. Where the hell is the giant pizza? Jerry, you give “monkey’s cousin” a whole new level of meaning.
Sheesh. I gotta go handle this. I should have know that this thing would go viral. Now I’m going to have to deal with a shitload of fan mail.
Anyway, you sit back, have a cookie, relax and admire the…blank space where there ain’t no picture. I’ll be back shortly.
* Wow! Who made this midnight chili I is eating (yum!), and what did they put in it? May I have more?
** Feel free to send gifts, but don’t make it like a big thing or anything.